May 2010
1 post
“The lonely
stand in the dark corners
of their hearts.
I have seen them
in...”
– Broken, Unbroken ~ Mary Oliver
April 2010
8 posts
“all people dream, but not equally. those who dream by night, in the dusty...”
– T.E. Lawrence
“I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think...”
– Kurt Vonnegut (via psychotherapy)
“I trust the Lord, my soul and all that is in me.
Oh, trust the Light to show...”
– I Can’t Help Myself, Sandra McCracken
“You, who made me stare trouble in the face, turn me around; now let me look life...”
– Psalm 71:20-21, The Message
I AM - Waterdeep
saturday
last night and this morning, I have been meditating on the day between friday and sunday. saturday has held a lot of meaning for me over the last couple of years, and particularly as I have entered into the fight against trafficking. last night in the quiet before I fell asleep, I heard “saturday is the day the darkness thinks it has won” and as I thought about that, I realized that...
March 2010
2 posts
reading...
I can’t remember the last time I sat in bed and read a book from when I woke up until late in the night, except for books for school. I picked up a book called Shantaram, by Gregory David Roberts, in the Bangkok airport because I didn’t have any novels to read while on vacation, and I’m trying to read books on things other than trafficking, sexual exploitation, and trauma. the...
a curious thing I’ve realized traveling alone in Thailand…eating has become purely utilitarian for me in the Philippines. most meals I have last approximately 10 minutes. I eat because I’m hungry, and then I go back to work. actually, a lot of the time I’m eating while I’m still working.
now I am in a place where delicious food abounds, but I’m still having...
February 2010
9 posts
[termination]
today were the first of my last sessions with my clients here…wow.
one of them said, “it’s big things for me, Ate Lace, since you’ve been here.”
in case anyone was wondering, four months is too short - I am just now getting to some incredible beginnings…their trust in me is only now established in a way that we can move deeper…
and yet, four months is...
my client interviewed by a CNN journalist →
“how do you recover from traumas?”
– my client today
this morning walking to work I saw an older white guy wearing a t-shirt which read: you’re pretty when I’m drunk…and I’m not positive, but I think I saw beer cans in his grocery bag. this was at 9:30 in the morning.
getting ready to say goodbye...
it’s hard to describe the ambivalence I feel about finishing my internship in just over a week. my mind has been wandering back over the last months, remembering the things I’ve seen and heard and felt, things I’ve smelled and tasted and touched…sometimes thinking about those things make me long to return home, to familiarity and rainy gray skies. and sometimes there is a...
Watchthis is an old video, so some of the staff have changed, some of the clients have changed, some of the programs have changed…but this is RENEW: you can see the city I live in, and the shelter, and my supervisor, Paulo
I’m going to the bars again tonight…I will do this probably 2 or 3 more times, and then I will be done here. my internship will be complete in two weeks (which is crazy because that means I’m officially done with all my requirements for grad school!) and I will no longer live here. I will be embarking on a crazy adventure of travel following the most nonsensical itinerary: India...
I don’t even remember the last time I posted anything…I’m going to try to catch up soon, I promise. but in the meantime, know that I’m still alive. :)
January 2010
7 posts
“That night in his hotel, he avoided nightmares because he could not sleep. His...”
– E. Benjamin Skinner, A Crime So Monstrous
one of my least favorite things about living here: going to the mall to get some coffee and internet means seeing a father and son walking along holding hands with two Filipina girls who are look like they’re maybe 18…and the dad is at least 55…ugh.
it’s amazing what a difference a few little things can make: a couple of hours with Jesus, a St. John’s Wort supplement every day, cooler weather that I can actually walk around in for five minutes without sweating…
those things combined with the fact that my internship will be complete in just over 5 weeks makes me want to delight in every bit of life I encounter here…
an update from the last 24 hours
2 short term (like 4 days) volunteers from Australia are here. Liz and Laura are a nurse and a teacher, respectively, and I’m loving having some company. They are staying with me at my place, and tutoring the girls and doing outreach. We got a lot of attention yesterday walking around town: 3 white women sort of constitutes a parade around here.
had an amazing session with one of my...
an unfamiliar cynicism
Christmas vacation was hard, for a few reasons. it was good to have a chance to be in a place other than the 2nd most popular sex tourist destination in the world, but it was really hard to recognize the reality of my life here in Angeles. in the airport in Bangkok, I took some deep breaths and realized that not every man in my vicinity was a sex tourist, and I was incredibly grateful....
“coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from a...”
– John le Carre
December 2009
2 posts
it's been awhile...
there has been so much in these last weeks, and the few times I’ve sat down to write a blog, I have felt too overwhelmed to try and capture much in words. but I have this morning off, to catch up with friends, to drink coffee at a coffee shop, and to process a bit of life here.
I have been wrestling with the intensity of the environment here, facing poverty and my own selfish desire to be...
November 2009
6 posts
he came early for his class with my Tagalog tutor, and he was interested to meet me. LJ had told him about her first ever female student, and what I am doing in Angeles. he was the stereotypical picture of a sex tourist in this area: white, middle-aged, overweight, and looking generally unhealthy. laughing, he said “so you’re the do-gooder” and sat down at the table next to me. his tone left no...
riding an elephant...oh yeah, and enjoying the...
after our two day stint at RENEW, Jayne and I headed off to Thailand, to meet up with my friend Nikki, to see my friend Bill’s orphanage, to check out volunteer opportunities for Jayne, and to eat as much Thai food as we could possibly fit into our stomachs. it was a great time. seeing Nikki was wild - crazy hanging out at a restaurant in Thailand thousands of miles from where we came to...
well that didn't work
that last post was supposed to be a quick recap of all the things that have kept me from blogging over the last 3 weeks…apparently it didn’t save my post properly…
so, I will start again. I have 3, maybe 4 different blog posts that have been rolling around in my head and on the pages of my journal these last weeks, and I was going to try to catch up on them one by one, but...
so behind...
October 2009
5 posts
learning a new way to breathe...
a couple of days ago I tried snorkeling for the second time in my life. the first time was in Hawaii years ago with my family, and I had a really hard time regulating my breathing, so much so that I passed on the opportunity to scuba dive, for fear that I might hyperventilate under the weight of so much water. so when Jayne and I went on a boat trip around Honda Bay and the activities offered...
sent an email update, now that our internet is working again - it’s definitely had some trouble since the typhoons, which is to be expected.
on Saturday Jayne and I are heading to Palawan to spend a couple of days enjoying another of the Philippine islands. then we will have the privilege of observing Dr. Velazco in a different training program for caregivers working with commercially...
super typhoon forecast
hi friends,
there is a super typhoon (category 4) forecast to hit Luzon tomorrow morning, and Metro Manila is still recovering from the last one. everyone is in preparation mode, stockpiling noodles and soap and drinking water. the place I live is south of Manila, in Laguna province, and it’s not supposed to be as bad here, but we are charging all our electronic devices and doing...
September 2009
6 posts
Tropical Storm Ondoy
in case you were worried…I’m safe.
in fact, I’m in much better shape than a lot of people in the Philippines. they are estimating that over 300,000 people have been displaced, and at least 73 people have died, in the wake of Tropical Storm Ondoy (internationally known as Typhoon Ketsana).
I live in a province south of Manila, and we had intense rain for about 24 hours...
...kaya nagpapasalamat...
sometimes I think I shouldn’t post anything at all, since life in SE Asia seems to be in continuous motion. but then, you all would miss out on so much of my experience here, so I will keep posting, even though it’s quite possible that most of what I say today could be different tomorrow.
Jayne arrived two days ago, and I think we are mutually thankful - me for someone to eat meals...
braving an absurd path (or, this is not what I...
since my last post, I have been on a pretty intense emotional roller coaster. I have said to myself “what the hell am I doing here?” at least five times every day, and I have thought multiple times about just coming home and trying to find an internship in Seattle. but there is a strong part of me that’s not ready to pack up yet, and instead wants to find a way to stay here. I...
Watcha few disclaimers: this is my first attempt at a video, so I don’t really know what I’m doing yet. also, taking pictures and videos while maintaining strict confidentiality in order to keep our secure location secure is somewhat difficult, and often means boring pictures and videos.
enjoy. :)
a hard week...
this week has been, well, hard. in the days after I sent out my monthly newsletter, I found out I had misunderstood some of how this program would run, and that I will be going to another facility in a couple of months. for me, even though it means seeing more of the world, that was disappointing because I’m a homebody, not a nomad - I like to really settle in to a place. I also found out...
August 2009
10 posts
I'm here.
I made it. to the place that I will live, for the next chapter of my life. It’s crazy, and it still doesn’t feel real. I think part of that surreal quality comes from the fact that I arrived here in the dark last night, and there is no one here except the lady guard (yes, that’s what we call her) and me…
Last week, when Catherine and I went to Puerto Galera (stories and...
in approximately 10 minutes, or more likely longer in Filipino time, I am going to load everything I brought with me into a van headed for my new home, two hours south of Manila. I am seriously thrilled. after a day of learning about the political and economic climate of the Philippines, I’m ready to get started. more later.