since my last post, I have been on a pretty intense emotional roller coaster.  I have said to myself “what the hell am I doing here?” at least five times every day, and I have thought multiple times about just coming home and trying to find an internship in Seattle.  but there is a strong part of me that’s not ready to pack up yet, and instead wants to find a way to stay here.  I am convinced that there is so much for me to learn here, if I can find a way to work through the lack of communication and the disorganization and chaos and isolation.  and the fish.  ugh.

currently the biggest issue is making this work to meet my internship requirements, so that I can actually graduate in June.  there’s been a bunch of back and forth emails and confusing conversations and frustrating misunderstandings, but at this point I am hopeful that I can make it work, based on the latest info.  which is different from yesterday.  actually, it’s different from two hours ago.

there is one other student, coming on Thursday, participating in this program, and I am so looking forward to her being here.  we have been skyping, and I’ve given her the low down…I’ve given her a lot of lows, actually.  but we both have the same perspective.  we will do everything we can to get as much out of this experience as we possibly can.  and, maybe the reasons for us being here are completely different from the reasons we came, and we are open to finding out what those things might be.  (as long as I can also graduate.)

before I left, I got my fair share of international travel and living overseas advice.  flexibility is key.  you have to roll with the punches.  things are really different - not just food or transportation, but how people think about things and interact with each other - so you need to observe and listen and be prepared to give up the ways of living life that you are accustomed to.  so, I knew what I was getting into.  sort of.  but the reality of it is not just different, it’s frustrating…sometimes it feels so stupid.  and I know, I am making judgments based on my own biased Western perspective.  but honestly, some of the stuff I am encountering is just absurd.

the people I’ve been talking with today have been telling me how I am pioneering things, the first one to do things this way, braving an absurd path (thanks for the language, Brandon)…and while there is something great about that, full of wonder and adventure and anticipation, there is something pretty much awful about it.  it’s hard.  and lonely.  and sometimes the food is weird, and the heat is getting to you, and all you want to do is go home and crawl in your bed and leave the adventure outside your door.

so, I’ll keep you posted about what happens.  at this exact moment, I’m still thinking I’ll finish this program.  but who knows what five more minutes will bring…