that last post was supposed to be a quick recap of all the things that have kept me from blogging over the last 3 weeks…apparently it didn’t save my post properly…

so, I will start again.  I have 3, maybe 4 different blog posts that have been rolling around in my head and on the pages of my journal these last weeks, and I was going to try to catch up on them one by one, but maybe, for now, I will try to cover some of the important stuff.

two weeks ago, before starting my internship at RENEW, and before going to Thailand to see some friends and take a short vacation, Jayne and I got to come to RENEW for a two day training on outreach to women working in bars.  It was a great chance to see the shelter and meet the girls, and to be exposed to some of what living in Angeles City will hold for me, before actually getting started.

within 24 hours, the following things occurred:

we celebrated one of our girl’s debut - her 18th birthday party…with a rented videoke machine, pounds of pancit (the Filipino noodle standard), and a huge birthday cake.  it was incredible, and such a gift to celebrate her life.  the girls sang late into the night, dancing and laughing, and it was seriously beautiful.

we left the shelter and the birthday party to go for a prayer walk - no official outreach, since we were all short term visitors - down Fields Avenue, which is about a 10 minute walk from the shelter.  Fields Ave is notorious for its bars, and it is the most densely populated area of bars in the world.  as many as 3000 young women could be working in any one bar, many of which are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  there are bright lights and loud music everywhere, and foreigners walking down the street with young Filipinas on their arms…it doesn’t feel real, because it is so out in the open.  it almost feels like a theme park or something. after an hour’s walk, we came home and the girls were still singing, and I had tears in my eyes as I understood a little bit more of what the bars they had been working in only months before are like.

the next morning Jayne and I went to Clark Airport, and we were overwhelmed with the white faces we saw.  standing in line to check in for our flight to Bangkok, we heard two American men discussing in the most blatant of terms their sex tour of the Philippines, and their plans for their trip to Thailand.  I felt as though steam must be coming out of my ears, and I could not believe the audacity with which they spoke standing directly behind two white women who could obviously understand everything they were saying.  there was no sense of shame, no sense of respect for the girls they were so callously talking about.  there were many things they said that bothered me, things I cannot forget, but the one that broke my heart was this: “I just get so frustrated, because these girls, you know, they have this attitude like they don’t even want to be there, you know, like they don’t want to be there with you…” I was shocked at the realization that even these men, somewhere inside themselves, are aware that the women they exploit are not working a job that they enjoy.  they know, on some level, that little girls don’t dream of being prostituted in a bar someday when they get older.  but these men ignore that fact, justifying their behavior by the amount that they’ve paid, exchanging stories like boys in a locker room…

Jayne and I looked for comfort food, bought crazy expensive imported chocolate covered macadamia nuts and donuts and coffee, and tried to find a place to sit where the tension might be relieved.  everywhere we looked we saw white men of varying ages, and although it’s possible that a few of them were there for other reasons, nearly all of them were likely there to visit the number two destination for sex tourists in the entire world.  we ended up sitting in the very last row of seats, staring at an advertisement of Cebu on the wall, and trying to breathe deeply.

I cried the whole 3 hour plane ride to Bangkok.

after that, the chance to be in Thailand with friends was an incredible blessing.  another post for tomorrow, perhaps.  pictures on facebook, if you’re interested. :)